Dirty LIttle Secrets
Why do I stress so much about the problems of the people around me? Friends, co-workers, family, etc. You really want to know why? Because if we are close enough - then those problems are going to effect me as well. Sometimes it's just a selfish fear of not getting what I want. Most of the time, it really is genuine fear and concern for the other person/people. It really stresses me out.
I guess you have to take the good with the bad. Everyone is tragically flawed in some way. You just hope to god that those flaws aren't deal breakers for you. Some flaws I can put up with - like the person doesn't understand the point of a DJ - IE you listen to Akon right next to Pink Floyd next to the Beatles next to Woolly bully next to Pink. Just not a good combo. Music should have themes, and a story to follow along with it. I admit I do put my Ipod on Shuffle a lot, but that is just pure laziness on my part. Some flaws are more tragic - like alcoholism, violence, and mental abuse. I think I could easily get caught in any of these traps. How do you not want to fix things that are broken? Especially when you have dealt with it in the past, unsuccessfully I might add. It's hard not to want to rescue people you care about from themselves. Some flaws are deal breakers for me. Trying to make me give up things or people I love, violence against me - complete deal breaker - there is no forgiveness, no second chances, no nothing in this situation, and not being able to adapt to change. My life has changed so drastically in the three years since I graduated university. That's only three years of my adult life. Who knows what the next 50+ years will bring. If we can't change and grow old together, then it's really a deal breaker.
A few years ago I would have thought a lot of other things were deal breakers for me. A boyfriend/husband cheating, stupid mistakes like bar fights or drunken driving, and financial incompatibility. I think I've grown up a lot and seen a lot more of the world and I've realized that it's all much more complicated that it seems at first glance. The reasons people cheat any many and varied; it's not simple, and it's not easy, and only the two people in the relationship can really be able to work it out. Stupid mistakes are still a bit of a grey area for me. I really think it's bad - but more on the level of I hope to god the person doesn't get themselves killed or kill anyone else. It's not bad just because other people say it's so - it's really more a concern about personal safety. Financial incompatibility seems to be less of a deal breaker than ever. I think that it has less to do with how much people make - which is really what I always thought problems would come up over, but it's more about how each person views money. Are those views similar? Can the two parties communicate their wishes and goals and can the two people agree on goals and work towards them together? I'm just absolutely amazed by how money because such an issue for so many couples, individuals, business, and families. For some it's the drive that they never have enough money. For other people, it's arguments about how to spend money, for others it is more about being able to be financially responsible - make a budget and stay in it. It's really heart wrenching to see that so many people argue about something that really matters so little. Maybe I'm being naive and it really does matter a lot.
Maybe I just want it to not matter, but it really does. I guess I never grew up in a place where we openly talked about money and how it not only pays the bills and how you manage your money, but also how it affects the relationships that you have. Not only your boyfriend/girlfriend but also you parents, friends, siblings, even colleagues.
It's so frustrating how something so simple and stupid causes such issues.
I guess you have to take the good with the bad. Everyone is tragically flawed in some way. You just hope to god that those flaws aren't deal breakers for you. Some flaws I can put up with - like the person doesn't understand the point of a DJ - IE you listen to Akon right next to Pink Floyd next to the Beatles next to Woolly bully next to Pink. Just not a good combo. Music should have themes, and a story to follow along with it. I admit I do put my Ipod on Shuffle a lot, but that is just pure laziness on my part. Some flaws are more tragic - like alcoholism, violence, and mental abuse. I think I could easily get caught in any of these traps. How do you not want to fix things that are broken? Especially when you have dealt with it in the past, unsuccessfully I might add. It's hard not to want to rescue people you care about from themselves. Some flaws are deal breakers for me. Trying to make me give up things or people I love, violence against me - complete deal breaker - there is no forgiveness, no second chances, no nothing in this situation, and not being able to adapt to change. My life has changed so drastically in the three years since I graduated university. That's only three years of my adult life. Who knows what the next 50+ years will bring. If we can't change and grow old together, then it's really a deal breaker.
A few years ago I would have thought a lot of other things were deal breakers for me. A boyfriend/husband cheating, stupid mistakes like bar fights or drunken driving, and financial incompatibility. I think I've grown up a lot and seen a lot more of the world and I've realized that it's all much more complicated that it seems at first glance. The reasons people cheat any many and varied; it's not simple, and it's not easy, and only the two people in the relationship can really be able to work it out. Stupid mistakes are still a bit of a grey area for me. I really think it's bad - but more on the level of I hope to god the person doesn't get themselves killed or kill anyone else. It's not bad just because other people say it's so - it's really more a concern about personal safety. Financial incompatibility seems to be less of a deal breaker than ever. I think that it has less to do with how much people make - which is really what I always thought problems would come up over, but it's more about how each person views money. Are those views similar? Can the two parties communicate their wishes and goals and can the two people agree on goals and work towards them together? I'm just absolutely amazed by how money because such an issue for so many couples, individuals, business, and families. For some it's the drive that they never have enough money. For other people, it's arguments about how to spend money, for others it is more about being able to be financially responsible - make a budget and stay in it. It's really heart wrenching to see that so many people argue about something that really matters so little. Maybe I'm being naive and it really does matter a lot.
Maybe I just want it to not matter, but it really does. I guess I never grew up in a place where we openly talked about money and how it not only pays the bills and how you manage your money, but also how it affects the relationships that you have. Not only your boyfriend/girlfriend but also you parents, friends, siblings, even colleagues.
It's so frustrating how something so simple and stupid causes such issues.
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