Mommy & Daddy are fighting....
Momma and Poppa Bear at work were fighting today. It was totally not a comfortable situation.
I'm been super anxious all week. It's just been really stressful, too much to do, too much to think about, not enough time to get everything done = me super stressed out.
Anxiety makes my stomach hurt. Fighting makes me feel like I have an ulcer and a panic attack all at the same time. Try a four hour meeting - working through lunch with that type of anxiety. Then getting a pissy pants email saying something dumb. I'm gonna kill someone.
Then - just when it's 5:30 and I'm about to get actual work done for the day - oh the CEO forgot his laptop and he's at the airport. Are you leaving soon? I can't - I don't have a car here - Can you go drop him off his laptop? *Sigh* At least I got promoted to delivery girl...
*SOMEONE* wanted to log on and see what was on his laptop. I was good - honestly - I don't really want to know. Ignorance is bliss a lot of the time. Sometimes knowledge is good (usually when it's useful theoretical/factual information that is draped in years of scientific theory and debate) most of the time it's better not knowing.
Of course, me being the masochist that I am, decided that it will be a good idea to work out all this stress and anxiety over the fighting (can we say horrible childhood memories now bring on anxiety with other people fight - like really fight not like simple disagreements). Yeah trying to kill myself on the pavement helped a bit. Anxiety is better. Stress down marginally. Market is up. Need something else that helps with the stress (hmmm I do write a blog.... always bitching about things that stress me out - that couldn't be it though.)
I really don't get those people that are all into yoga though. When I'm stressed out and need some exercise to get rid of the anxiety - trying to kill myself is usually the most effective. Trying to do deep breathing while my mind is running wild replaying all the events of the day - and "posing" in weird ass positions - not helpful. It just gives me more time to think. I mean - at least with running I can think about not tripping, my breathing, other people, if it's going to start raining etc. Thinking about how many breaths I have to do for one pose - not relaxing. I just end up hyper-ventilating because I'm trying to get done with the pose faster - or I forget to count because my mind wanders. With my mind wandering then I don't think about why my body is doing because Yoga poses are so not automatic to me - and I end up doing something dumb and then some muscle in my back will be sore for the next two days. I need meditation - and sitting still does not work for me. I wish it could be me. I wish I was calmer - but at some point you just have to accept things about your self at some point. I'm just not that type of person who enjoys sitting still.
I remember back in high school when we did the Myers-Briggs personality typing. I ended up as an INTP (explains the engineering thing a bit.) Describe me at all anyone: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTP Apparently my little brother is an INTJ - also very fitting. I don't think that there is much 'hard' science behind them - so I think that these 'tests' tell you about as much as your horoscope. But they are fun to think about. It's interesting to look at how people think and how people go about things. It sometimes takes a minute to recognize that everyone does things and thinks about things slightly differently. It's hard for me not to have the same expectations of everyone else that I have of myself. I am constantly frustrated by the lack of understanding or lack of attention of other people over the large details. I understand that people can forget the small things - there's only so much brain power. But how do you forget the big things.
For example. I can understand that not everyone will remember that PV=nRT. But it's hard to think that people don't understand simple concepts like evolution. Darwin's theory was not monkeys to humans - rather it was the changing in the frequency of alleles (or traits.) That certain alleles (traits) make life easier - and thus those animals end up having more children who also have those traits - making them appear even more frequently in the population. These things happen over long long periods of time. You see evolution actually happening in only a few species on the planet - namely those with short live spans. Bacteria are constantly evolving (drug resistance anyone?) because their life span is only a few days. You don't seem human evolution over your life time because our life spans are so much longer. Just think - if a bacteria has a 48 hour life span - that means 3650 generations of bacteria in one human generation (20 years.) No wonder it is much easier to look at the numbers - there are more available and thus it is easier to see over time how the frequencies in alleles changes. Whereas each data points for humans takes about 20 years in between. Just because we see can't see the forest for the trees doesn't mean that it's not out there. Please people - understand that Darwin didn't say monkey's to humans (but rather that we evolved from some common ancestor that no longer exists.) I know it may seem weird to think that we are animals just like that rat on the street - but we are. I bet they can think just like you can too....
This just proves that just because you don't understand what I'm talking about doesn't mean that I'm not still right about it.
I'm been super anxious all week. It's just been really stressful, too much to do, too much to think about, not enough time to get everything done = me super stressed out.
Anxiety makes my stomach hurt. Fighting makes me feel like I have an ulcer and a panic attack all at the same time. Try a four hour meeting - working through lunch with that type of anxiety. Then getting a pissy pants email saying something dumb. I'm gonna kill someone.
Then - just when it's 5:30 and I'm about to get actual work done for the day - oh the CEO forgot his laptop and he's at the airport. Are you leaving soon? I can't - I don't have a car here - Can you go drop him off his laptop? *Sigh* At least I got promoted to delivery girl...
*SOMEONE* wanted to log on and see what was on his laptop. I was good - honestly - I don't really want to know. Ignorance is bliss a lot of the time. Sometimes knowledge is good (usually when it's useful theoretical/factual information that is draped in years of scientific theory and debate) most of the time it's better not knowing.
Of course, me being the masochist that I am, decided that it will be a good idea to work out all this stress and anxiety over the fighting (can we say horrible childhood memories now bring on anxiety with other people fight - like really fight not like simple disagreements). Yeah trying to kill myself on the pavement helped a bit. Anxiety is better. Stress down marginally. Market is up. Need something else that helps with the stress (hmmm I do write a blog.... always bitching about things that stress me out - that couldn't be it though.)
I really don't get those people that are all into yoga though. When I'm stressed out and need some exercise to get rid of the anxiety - trying to kill myself is usually the most effective. Trying to do deep breathing while my mind is running wild replaying all the events of the day - and "posing" in weird ass positions - not helpful. It just gives me more time to think. I mean - at least with running I can think about not tripping, my breathing, other people, if it's going to start raining etc. Thinking about how many breaths I have to do for one pose - not relaxing. I just end up hyper-ventilating because I'm trying to get done with the pose faster - or I forget to count because my mind wanders. With my mind wandering then I don't think about why my body is doing because Yoga poses are so not automatic to me - and I end up doing something dumb and then some muscle in my back will be sore for the next two days. I need meditation - and sitting still does not work for me. I wish it could be me. I wish I was calmer - but at some point you just have to accept things about your self at some point. I'm just not that type of person who enjoys sitting still.
I remember back in high school when we did the Myers-Briggs personality typing. I ended up as an INTP (explains the engineering thing a bit.) Describe me at all anyone: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTP Apparently my little brother is an INTJ - also very fitting. I don't think that there is much 'hard' science behind them - so I think that these 'tests' tell you about as much as your horoscope. But they are fun to think about. It's interesting to look at how people think and how people go about things. It sometimes takes a minute to recognize that everyone does things and thinks about things slightly differently. It's hard for me not to have the same expectations of everyone else that I have of myself. I am constantly frustrated by the lack of understanding or lack of attention of other people over the large details. I understand that people can forget the small things - there's only so much brain power. But how do you forget the big things.
For example. I can understand that not everyone will remember that PV=nRT. But it's hard to think that people don't understand simple concepts like evolution. Darwin's theory was not monkeys to humans - rather it was the changing in the frequency of alleles (or traits.) That certain alleles (traits) make life easier - and thus those animals end up having more children who also have those traits - making them appear even more frequently in the population. These things happen over long long periods of time. You see evolution actually happening in only a few species on the planet - namely those with short live spans. Bacteria are constantly evolving (drug resistance anyone?) because their life span is only a few days. You don't seem human evolution over your life time because our life spans are so much longer. Just think - if a bacteria has a 48 hour life span - that means 3650 generations of bacteria in one human generation (20 years.) No wonder it is much easier to look at the numbers - there are more available and thus it is easier to see over time how the frequencies in alleles changes. Whereas each data points for humans takes about 20 years in between. Just because we see can't see the forest for the trees doesn't mean that it's not out there. Please people - understand that Darwin didn't say monkey's to humans (but rather that we evolved from some common ancestor that no longer exists.) I know it may seem weird to think that we are animals just like that rat on the street - but we are. I bet they can think just like you can too....
This just proves that just because you don't understand what I'm talking about doesn't mean that I'm not still right about it.
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